Random Shinji oneshots!
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: All the Shinji you can handle! (Well, maybe not) Just a few rather pointless fics that demanded to be written, no matter how I protested!
1. I don't want to be the back end!

A/N: This one's dedicated to my sister, who made me write it even though I didn't want to. I had this idea to make Shinji an ass...quite literally, in fact. What? You say. Well, read on and find out! The fic is really rather silly. You have been warned.

****

I don't want to be the back end!

Kamio seethed, and for the millionth time, wondered why he'd agreed to this. Just because Ann-chan had given him those puppy dog eyes of hers didn't mean a thing...Just because she was like an adorable little sister to him, and he could never refuse her was no reason for him to have to be subjected to this torture!

"Please," she'd said, as cutely as she could, which was really very cute. "Do this for me?" ... then Kamio's resolve had dissolved into mush, and he'd agreed to this...situation.

Kamio Akira was currently the front end of a horse. Or rather, he was wearing the front part of a horse costume. His best friend, Ibu Shinji, was the back end.

And he wasn't happy about it.

"Why do I have to be the back end? I don't wan to be the backend. If anyone finds out about this, they're going to call me "the ass" forever, and I don't like having to pretend to be the back end of a horse, it's not very flattering you know, and this costume is a little bit too small anyway, and it's really hot in here, and you're lucky because you get to be the front end, but why did you automatically get to be the front end? It's not fair, and I want to be the front end. I didn't even want to agree to this in the first place, and --"

"Shinji, be quiet already!" Kamio hissed. "We're going onstage now!"

"But why do I have to be the back end, it's not very --"

"You're the back end because I said so!" Kamio replied. He resisted the urge to tear off his costume and run away screaming, and he and Shinji marched onto the stage.

They were in a horse costume because they were being forced to "act" in a play that was being put on for a bunch of little kids. The people who were originally supposed to be the horse had gotten into an accident, and were currently hospitalized.

Ann, who happened to be friends with the younger sister of one of those boys, had pleaded with Kamio to fill in for him. Kamio had roped Shinji into helping him, by calling in a few favors. (Shinji owed him money.)

"This is embarrassing," Shinji mumbled.

"I know it is, but you have to be quiet, or the audience is going to hear us," Kamio whispered. "Our only line is 'neigh'. Do you think you can handle that, or should I do it?"

"You're the front end, so I think you should do it."

Kamio sighed. They arrived on the stage.

"Neigh," he said. The play continued around him, and he tried to block everything out as best he could. He didn't want to be here, stuck in an unbearably hot costume with his best friend who never shut up. He wanted this whole thing to be over with.

He wondered for the one and one millionth time why he'd let Ann talk him into this.

Finally, it was time for the horse to get offstage. Kamio was so eager that he went a litle too fast, and the two ends of the horse separated.

"Hey!" yelled a kid in the audience. "That horse just came apart!"

"You guys suck!"

"They can't even be the horse properly!"

"Who hired you losers?"

The children of the audience were not amused. Kamio shook his fist (which was stuck inside of a horse hoof) at them. "We did our best, you little monsters!"

Shinji dragged his very angry best friend off the stage before he made any threats against the children, and got them both into even more trouble.

"At least it's over," he said, to the still seething Kamio.

"That was the most horrible experience of my life!" Kamio exclaimed. "The costume was too hot, and I had to crawl on my hands and knees for an hour, and I had to neigh, and you wouldn't shut up, and I'm not even getting paid for this, and those little brats didn't even appreciate it!"

Shinji noted that when Kamio was sufficiently angry, he could talk just as much as Shinji himself.

"I didn't mind it so much," Shinji said.

"What are you talking about? You complained the entire time!"

"Well...I got to be especially close to you for a while. That was nice." Shinji's cheeks turned a light shade of pink as he realized he'd just said that out loud.

"What?!" Kamio's cheeks were also a little colorful. "You mean you..."

"Well..."

Some kids burst in.

"There they are! They ruined the play! Let's get them!"

Kamio and Shinji exchanged looks. 

The kids attacked.

Kamio found himself with a child attached to either of his arms, biting and scratching him.

"Aaah, stupid brats!" he screeched, trying to fling them off. Shinji rushed to the rescue, pried the kids off, and they ran away as fast as they could.

Shinji was wearing a tiny smile, and thinking it was actually okay to be the back end after all, even though if anyone ever found out about it they would make fun of him, because he'd finally been able to admit his feelings to Kamio -- sort of -- and now maybe they would be able to talk about it, and if he was very lucky they might even get together maybe, and...

~~~~~

"Ann-chan! It was terrible! Why did you make me do that?" Kamio whined to Ann the next day.

"You were the only one I could think of," Ann replied. "Besides, didn't you have fun with Ibu-kun?"

"..."

"You did pick him, didn't you?"

"..."

"I knew you would!" Ann exclaimed happily.

"Ann-chan! Were you playing matchmaker?"

Ann giggled. "Maybe...I thought you two needed to get a little closer, so I decided to help!"

"Ann-chan...mou!" Kamio exclaimed. "How could you?"

"Did it work?"

"Ann-chan!"

~owari~


	2. Blah, Blah, Blah

A/N: I hate writing Ryoma...but this fic idea refused to leave me...and so it got written. Unfortunately. It's because one of my favorite episodes is the one where Ann calls Momo for a "date" and Shinji and Ryoma play doubles together. It just makes me giggle...But since I hate writing Ryoma, this fic ended up being pretty silly. My sister made me do it! So this is dedicated to you, Samson.

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Blah, Blah, Blah

It was raining.

Since it was raining, Echizen could not play tennis. He was not amused. He decided to go to the store...and look at tennis gear. That sounded like a good way to spend a Saturday afternoon. A little boring, but what else was he going to do? He wanted some new shoes, anyway. His favorites were falling apart to the degree where he needed to hold them together with duct tape.

Echizen entered the store, and made for the shoe section. He saw someone familiar already there trying on shoes. Apparently, he'd decided to spend his afternoon in the same fashion as Echizen. Echizen decided that he didn't want to talk to this particular person, and he turned around to leave.

However, the aforementioned person spotted him, and followed him outside.

"Oi."

He and Echizen faced each other for a full five minutes without saying anything.

Then, Ibu Shinji spoke.

"I wanted to talk to you about something. You might think it's odd, but I don't think it's all that odd, I mean lots of people consider these things every day. Since you took the grip tape, I think you should have to make it up to me somehow. No one ever wants to repay me for anything, though. Kamio owes me money, but he won't pay me back...No one would agree to what I want anyway. You'll think I'm weird, I know you will. Most people think I'm weird already. Maybe I shouldn't ask you."

It took a moment for Echizen to sort through all of that babble, and when he finally did, he realized that he still had no idea what the hell Shinji was talking about. He wondered if Shinji even knew what the hell he was talking about.

"What?" Echizen asked.

"Well, you see, I thought we could do something together, sometime, maybe, but I didn't know if I should really ask you that, because you might think I'm weird, although most people think I'm weird already, and..."

Blah, blah, blah.

Echizen narrowed his eyes. Do something together sometime? Would that not be considered a date? Was Ibu Shinji asking him for a _date_?

"Why?" Echizen asked.

"I knew you would think it was odd. That's why I wasn't going to bring it up, but then I saw you and I thought maybe I should bring it up, since I thought that you might not think it was all that strange after all, but I should have known better and not brought it up at all."

"Right..." Echizen started walking again.

"You didn't give me an answer though. I hate it when people don't answer me. I hate it almost as much as I hate it when they don't pay me back when they owe me money. I'm still bitter about that. He promised me he'd pay me back but he never did...How can I trust him if he doesn't pay me back? So why don't you answer me, of course, I don't want to hear a mean answer, just answer me nicely..."

"Do something sometime together like what?" Echizen asked. His first instinct had been to refuse right away, but for some reason, he didn't want to.

"I didn't really think about that, I just thought that it might be interesting if the two of us went somewhere and did something together, but obviously you don't agree with me. Is it because I'm a guy? Do you think I'm ugly? I knew you would think I'm weird for asking something like that...It sounds like I'm asking you for a date, but I wasn't really asking you for a date, just asking if you would like to go somewhere together, we can just go as friends or something, even though we're not really friends, more like rivals, since you stole the grip tape from me...I want it still..."

Echizen felt faint. It was hard to keep up with Shinji. He was even more talkative than usual today. Could it be that he was nervous?

Shinji paused his wordflow for a moment to take a deep breath. Echzien took that opportunity to throw a word in.

"Sure."

"What?"

Echizen felt accomplished to have reduced Shinji to a one-word answer.

"Sure," he repeated, with a shrug. After all, what else was he going to do today?

"I didn't think you'd agree. I thought you'd turn me down. I was going to go and bother Kamio about the money he owes me. I'm surprised you didn't think I'm weird for asking you to do something with me, since we're rivals right now, and we really don't get along, but I've been thinking ever since we played doubles together that we make a good team."

Echizen started to have doubts about whether he wanted+ to spend any more time with the babbling Shinji. He was developing a headache. Shinji was right, though, they did make a good team.

At least he'd found an interesting way to spend his Saturday afternoon.


End file.
